Q: I need a little dating advice. I had a first date on Thursday night. We met for drinks at a very romantic bar that he picked in neutral territory (in between our apartments). He was nice, smart, funny, open-minded… and very, very smooth. Too smooth. But, I was having fun, and I liked the attention, so I ended up staying at the bar over three hours with him. He was a little too comfortable talking about sex right away, but I mostly deflected and changed the subject. We did get a little cozy and kissed a few times by the end of the evening, and he asked me to go out with him this Saturday. I, obviously, said yes.
The thing is, I can’t tell if he is a player. If he is, he still might be a great guy and a good friend… but not ripe for boy friend material. I am attracted to him and fairly certain that date two will end up back at his apartment – although dinner is in semi-neutral territory again. If he is a player, then it really doesn’t matter if I sleep with him too soon because it is ultimately going to end anyway. But, if he is not a player… am I being too cavalier since I would obviously like the opportunity to get to know him better?
- Is He A Player
A: Here’s what you’re saying. You want to sleep with him if he is a player. You also want to sleep with him if he is not a player – but in that case, you might want to date him too. Fair enough.
Let’s break it down. If he is a player – he’s craving a chase. If he’s not a player – he’ll still enjoy the chase. Either way, making him wait will make him more invested.
Date two is too soon to give it up. Some making out in public is hot, going back to his place makes the chase too easy. Make him work a bit. Build his desire. Get him excited, and make sure he knows that you are hard to get and highly desired.
Let him know through your attitude that you are confident with your sexuality. You are not playing games. You are waiting because you haven’t sized him up yet. He needs to prove himself. You’re interested, intrigued even, but not yet won over.
Does this make sense?
It should be fun, playful, and sexy. Let him win points. Let him woo you.
If he’s not around for date three, then yes, he is a total player and just wants a random hook-up, (ie. not boy friend material). If he is around, consider whether you are interested in him as a potential boy friend. If you are, maybe fool around a bit, but don’t give it all up just yet. Strengthen your bond. Tease him. Tantalize him. By the time you finally seal the deal, he’ll be totally into you and completely excited by the anticipation, (i.e. the sex will be amazing).