Why Do Guys Ghost?

Dear Elana: 

Why do guys ghost? I've had three guys disappear this year. Am I scaring them off? With one guy, we went out on several dates and it seemed like he had a great time. He even introduced me to his friends. Then, he stopped responding to my texts and I never heard from him again. 

- Girl Hoping One Stays True

Dear GHOST

Guys disappear when they are afraid of communicating. It's so much easier to simply ignore a text than to have a difficult conversation about their feelings. Maybe he wanted a casual relationship, and he doesn't know how to break the news that he's moved on. Maybe he thinks that avoiding you will be less painful than telling you the truth. 

It's confusing and disheartening when a guy who showed interest abruptly vanishes. The experience leaves you questioning his motives and wondering if you did anything wrong. You need to know that it's not your fault when a guy disappears. There's no excuse for the immaturity and selfishness of ghosting after connecting with another person. 

Could you be the spooky one causing men to ghost? I don't know, maybe. Are you saying that you want to move in together and open a shared bank account on your first date? Regardless of your behavior, a mature and emotionally stable man will not simply disappear. He might say that you're not a good match, but at least he'll have the guts to tell you that he's not interested in a relationship. 

Remember that you can't force men to be emotionally aware or honest. However, you can communicate that you can handle the truth, even if it is unpleasant or disappointing. You can also seek out men who are thoughtful, self-aware, and good communicators. Eventually, you'll sort through the ghosts and find a man who maintains a corporeal form. 

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Elana Hunter started KickStartLove when she was single, and after years of dating she is now happily married. She provides individual dating coaching for private clients who are ready to change their lives.